Your 'Too Much' Is Someone's 'Just Right'

Why You Don't Need to Calibrate Your Energy for Everyone - And How to Stop Trying

It's November.

Which means you're about to get hit with a tsunami of events where people will - subtly or not - suggest you tone it down.

Your energy. Your enthusiasm. Your detail-loving brain. Your genuine excitement.

Here's what I need you to know before that happens: Your 'too much' is someone else's 'just right.'

The Origin Story You Didn't Ask For

You learned that you're "too much" somewhere along the way. Maybe it was:

Elementary school, where teachers told you to use your "inside voice" and "sit still."

Your first professional presentation, where someone's feedback included the words "tone it down" or "maybe dial back the energy."

Family dinners where you got the Look™ when you got "too excited" about something you cared about.

Or maybe it was a thousand tiny moments where people responded to your authentic energy with discomfort, and you learned to read the room and calibrate constantly.

The pattern: You learned to read rooms and calibrate constantly.

The cost: Exhaustion became your baseline.

What Your 'Too Much' Actually Is

Here's what nobody told you: What they called "too much" is actually your transmission system.

Let's reframe each "too much" as what it really is - a strength:

"Too detailed" = Thorough teaching that builds trust

When you explain the why behind the what, audiences actually understand. Your detail isn't a tangent - it's making sure nobody gets left behind. You're not over-explaining. You're teaching in a way that respects people's intelligence while giving them the full picture.

"Too energetic" = Magnetic engagement that keeps attention

People remember presentations that felt like something. Your energy signals "this matters" and audiences respond to that. When you're genuinely excited, permission spreads through the room for others to care too. Enthusiasm isn't unprofessional - it's infectious.

"Too intense" = Hyperfocus that creates deep value

When you lock in, people feel seen and heard at a level most presenters never reach. Your intensity isn't scary - it's proof you actually give a damn. In a world of phoned-in presentations, your focus is a gift.

"Too much connecting dots" = Pattern recognition genius

What looks like tangents is you showing relationships others miss. Your associative thinking creates those "holy shit" moments for audiences when suddenly everything clicks into place. Linear thinkers present information. You present understanding.

The truth bomb: The people who need you are searching for someone who gives a damn this much.

Your Pocket Guide to Holiday Season 'Too Much' Moments

Let's get tactical. Here are the scenarios you're about to face, and the reframes you need:

Scenario 1: Family Dinner

• What they say: "You're getting too worked up about this"

• What's really happening: Your passion makes them uncomfortable because they've numbed theirs

• Your reframe: "My enthusiasm isn't a problem to solve. It's a gift some people aren't ready to receive."

Scenario 2: Holiday Networking Event

• What you worry: "I'm talking too much, I should pull back"

• What's really happening: Three people are leaning in because finally someone is REAL

• Your reframe: "The right people don't want my 'professional' mask. They want this."

Scenario 3: Year-End Client Presentation

• What you worry: "I'm going too deep, I should simplify"

• What's really happening: Your thoroughness is why they hired you

• Your reframe: "My detail isn't 'too much.' It's the difference between their success and their failure."

Scenario 4: The Video Recording Spiral

• What you think: "I need to redo this - I'm too animated/too intense/too ME"

• What's really happening: Your authentic energy is exactly what stops the scroll

• Your reframe: "Polished and forgettable, or real and memorable? I choose memorable."

What I Need You to Remember This Season

Here's your permission slip for the entire holiday season:

You don't need to calibrate for everyone.

Not every room is your room. Not every audience is your audience. And that's not a failure - it's a filter.

The people who matter will WANT your full energy.

Your right people aren't looking for the dimmed-down version. They're looking for someone who cares as much as you do, thinks as deeply as you do, and brings the intensity you bring.

Dimming yourself doesn't serve anyone.

You don't make others more comfortable by making yourself smaller. You just make yourself exhausted. And you rob the people who need your full energy of the chance to find you.

Your 'too much' is the filter that finds your right people.

When you show up fully, you make it easy for the wrong people to self-select out and the right people to lean in. That's not a bug. That's the whole point.

The practice:

Before every event this season, remind yourself: "Someone in this room needs exactly what I bring."

When you catch yourself calibrating, ask: "Am I dimming for their comfort or my safety?"

After interactions where you were fully YOU, notice: "That's what I sound like when I'm not performing."

The science nugget:

Masking isn't just emotionally draining - it literally uses cognitive resources your brain needs for everything else. When you spend energy monitoring and adjusting yourself, you have less energy for actual connection, creativity, and presence.

The neuroscience is clear: Your brain can't simultaneously self-monitor and fully engage. Every ounce of energy you spend on "am I too much right now?" is energy you're not spending on "what does this person actually need?"

The closer: Your 'too much' isn't something to manage. It's your signature. Own it.

As We Slide Into Holiday Chaos

As we slide into the holiday chaos, you're going to face a lot of moments where someone - family, colleague, that one person at every party - will suggest you tone it down.

This is your reminder: Don't.

Your energy, your intensity, your detail-loving brain, your genuine enthusiasm? That's not 'too much.' That's exactly right for the people who need you.

And those are the only people who matter.

Heading into a holiday event this week? Drop a 🔥 in the comments and I'll remind you: your too much is someone's just right.

Connect with me on LinkedIn